hey peeps.
i just dont understand.
why i feel this way.
was i being unreasonable?
or just plain stubborn?
gosh*
was it my fault? or just an excuse to find one?
what's it for?
ATTENTION?
a NEED or a WANT?
darn it. i dont even know the answer them. YET.
eventually i will i guess.
why cant YOU* understand?
was i being darn unreasonable?
and darn irresponsible for my own behaviour?
hey, im sorry for my bitchy attitude.
but oh well. i guess i have my reasons.
and please. TRUST me. okays?
my long lost friend. just a friend?
or beginning to be more?
the day he find me.
hmms. kinda flattering he searched for me.
but. nahs. i dont see him as a part of me anymore.
not as more than i can imagine.
A FRIEND.
more? hmms. yes? no? maybe? dont know?
the misses. fake? lies? or just plain truth? i dont know? tell me then!
i dont mean MY feelings. HIS.
i still got YOU*.
i PROMISED YOU*.
dont worry. i'll keep it. with all my heart.
aint the ghurl i used to be anymore.
USED TO BE. history can repeat itself right?
but hey, i've proven so many people wrong.
i had stayed true for 19mths.
and i still am today. im a changed ghurl.
different from the one previously.
and people, i love him.
i do i do i do. and i swear.
and DEAR, dont feel insecured or anything.
his a friend now. not more for me.
for him? i dont know.
but definitely not for me.
dont worry.
he understood all this.
he's happy for us. truly happy. I GUESS.
and he wont spoil our happiness.
cause he cared. he cared for me.
and it's clear to him, my happiness lies with YOU*, DEAR.
okays?
*sigh. the memories. his* lost from us.
so far apart from us. used to be one of us.
but he changed. BECAUSE OF ME.
wont give him the chance.
had ENOUGH.
but previously, or maybe, rather now, people DONT see that.
they DONT see the pain and hurt i've been going through while being with him*.
a mere 2 months. but the pain?
felt like it's been going on for 2 years!
sheesh*
and please, i wont take him back just cause people want him changed.
since this is the fate, the destinsy, the path he chose to walk on,
let him be. he wants it. for HIMSELF. accept it.
he should change for HIMSELF and NOT for ME.
sorry, but i aint perfect either. get that?
and i wont wanna lose what i've already have now.
NO WAY! nuh-uh. i LOVE him. and will always will.
dont hafta care what people say or think.
as long as I'M HAPPY BEING WITH HIM.
yours truly,kae.