hmms. thought of doing the song survey hasmidah told me to do.
but hack. read something that made me lost my mood.
TOTALLY.
was already feeling down that DEAR couldnt talk to me tonight.
*sighs. he sleeps easily these days. and i dont.
oh well! just my luck! *sheesh.
so what was triggering in my mind all of a sudden is this question.
WHAT THE FARKING HELL ARE FRIENDS ANYWAY?
anybody who could answer THAT, tell me.
i wanna know. hmms.
and me? hahs! i dont really know what they are anymore.
i mean, yeah. i had great friends. close that is.
hah! HAD. get it? H.A.D!
*past tense* for those who dont get the idea already.
so was wondering. what am i to them?
a chuckhole? a doll?
someone whom you'll only find when you're alone?
and throw me aside when you found another companion with you?
what? i only need to be near yall only when yall have problems and need a listening ear?
oh cmon on! gimme a break!
yall can do better than that!
i don usually got FRIENDS problems.
but hey. there are things that i've been keeping quiet about.
ya know. to me, it wont do anybody good to just let it out unnecessarily.
SOME people might think im being so EMOTIONAL.
and maybe, kinda OVERBOARD. oh to hack with all that!
*YOU: hah! are we still your friends? hey. i know it's hard for you but i just dont get it ya know?
what's so secretive about it? hey. it aint any a big deal! i mean, there's a right time for it?
we are your so called FRIENDS and there's still a "right time" issue? oh hack! what does THAT mean? you CANT trust us? you're afraid we will be big ol' gossipers? hey. we're are your FRIENDS for goodness' sake! we were those people who had been there for you. i just dont feel you're part of us anymore.
we know nothing about you no more. we dont know what the shyt is going on. argh!! sorry. but i just wanna understand your situation. honestly, i miss the OLD you.
*hmms. so what i wanna know is, am i a chuckhole to you guys? only there through your sad times. scratch that. maybe the during the SAD times, i aint even there to share it with you guys. because why? sometimes yall prefer an outsider rather than your own friends to confide in. or rather just pick one from all of us "close" friends instead. and what does the rest of us make? stupid darn edierts? and hey. for those who have NOT woken up yet, GET UP!
REALITY CHECK PEOPLE!! cmon!! argh!!
it's frustrating okay. you might not know it. *sighs.
here i am all happy, thinking that we can go through this together.
and i found out, im actually feeling kinda left out.
i dont know what's going unless another party told me.
only those minor stuffs are important enough to tell me.
and hey, those talk sessions we once had before we stepped into all this shyt?
all GONE. hah! seems childish and immatured to you guys now eh?
now is like not the time to find each other?
the outing. so do not feel like an outing.
sometimes, i envy those friendships that are GENUINELY SINCERE.
seriously, what is all this shyt?
i didnt thought i would say this, but hey.
secondary four life, and being 16,
just SUCK okay?
ITS SO DARN SUCKY!!
i wish i never have to live through this age.
dammit. its a damn age and i HATE it.
I LOATHE IT! I DESPISE IT!
it aint worth it to experience all this.
bunch of bullshyts!!!!!
to hell with all this!!!!!
*if these monsters above are the ones you call FRIENDS, hack, i dont even wanna have one!*
yours truly, kae.