didnt go fer school today.
was already late.
besides, i wasnt feeling that well either.
now i feel the tiredness cause of lack of sleep.
thank god fer no work from today till friday.
these weekends will be my last days at work.
tendered. too tired and i wanna concentrate more on school.
im gon give mah best shot for these 3 years to come.

been thinking lately about what someone said.
if they could do it why not me?
i'm being way positive right now.
i wanted to go all the way.
to achieve what i wanna.
do what i like.
that is to sing, to perform in front of crowds.
but i never got the chance.
how sad is that?
i dont know where i gotta start and how i gotta start.
i have connections that could help me.
but they are busy with their own stuffs too.
i wanna make it on my own 90% of the time so i dont owe anyone anything beyond that.
it's just so hard.
im still new around here trynna get my butt into such music industry.
i could make it if i tried.
if i give my best shot.
i have supports. i know i do.
but mostly friends and family.

i wonder how it feels like being a star out there.
especially if the only talent you have is act, sing and dance.
do looks really matter?
are the young generation nowadays voting on whose cute and whose pretty?
i aint pretty. not at all.
but im proud to say, i generally have a good heart.
i wanna make it big.
but somehow, something's been stopping me.
im looking for an opportuniy somewhere.
da thang is that im getting more and more frustrated that nothing's happening in mah life.
how boring it's being.
im da kinda girl who enjoys excitement in life.
something huge something phenomenal or something.
okay phenomenal is something too much tuh ask for.
but just gimme a chance. please.
really. i despise the thought of seeing people going fer looks.
especially in Asia. that's how it is.


thinking back i think i have a lot of opportunities around.
even one time in another country.
but i let it go cause i wasnt ready.
how stupid.
i could at least try.
and yes, i cant deny im getting impatient.
but oh well, i'll learn to get over it.
cause patience is a virtue.
but i will be rewarded in the end?
who knows? no harm being positive.
yeah. insyallah.

so anyway, this is a long and meaningful post.
it's been a long time since i've last post something deeply about my thoughts.
and for now, what my heart is saying,
FORGET IT.
no no. not what i mentioned earlier in this post.
but something else.
FANTASY. FANTASY. FANTASY.
= REALITY NOT.
it's nice hearing people say we looked good together.
and how together-together we looked.
my heart will skip a beat whenever i looked back at those shots taken after each event.
but those are just compliments aint they?
thanks for it all but sorry guys, it aint happening.
not trynna be negative here.
but i think i have a pretty good idea to differentiate what's real and what's not.
at least fer now.
imma keep it real babes.
yall can tease me about it.
i dont mind, really.
it does make me happy, honestly.
haha. :D
righttttt.

whatever it is, im done being all emotional about the whole thing.
but that's not gon stop me from squealing and go HIGH with mah girls at such events.
and yes, my girlfriends whose been tagging to hiphop events,
thank you girls oh so much.
i always have fun and you girls never fail to make me smile.
Sharifah, Farah, Maisarah and Que. (:
and yes, Mai, i can go through this.
i can forget those feelings.
and will smile no matter how thangs turn out.
cause i know girlfriends like you and the rest are always there to back me up when i fall.
once again, thanks. (:

okay okay.
KAE quit emo-ing and stop typing.
hehe.
till here.

imma catch you sweet sexys laterrrrrrrr!

Yours Truly, Kae.