Now,
I am feeling the pressure and stress level rising.
During rehearsal, though I looked like I'm not being serious or as though I didnt care,
I actually was feeling the opposite.
I may be laughing and making jokes at times, but inside, I felt like crying.
I may pretend as though everything will pull themselves together and be fine as soon as the real day comes,
but inside, I was actually scared out of my wits.
& all I wanted to do after rehearsal ended was to rush home and have a good cry and a good talk w a nice someone to soothe my nerves down.
Someone actually did helped me forget about those negative feelings for a while.
& I'm really grateful for what was said and adviced.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. (:

I have to really work on my part in order not to bring the whole scene down.
I dont want to have to be the one spoiling the scene.
I dont want to be a letdown to everybody.
Though I'm new at playing this role, I am going to push myself to open up.
& I dont want to care if people are laughing at me or criticising me when I know what I am doing is right.
I know everybody's expecting a lot from me.
Though I know I cant please everybody, I have to try my best.
All I need now is the support from everybody, esp my classmates & lecturer.
They are all there all the time to see my flaws during rehearsals.
Yes, I admit, I do feel like I'm not doing enough but nobody knows how much I rehearsed at home.
I dont know why I can do better rehearsing alone w no one to watch than being in the real rehearsal itself.
The intention is to have people watching me at my best and not hide my best points behind those curtains.
I have no idea why I am in this course if I'm feeling this way most of the time.
I HAVE to get over my feelings of shyness!! Sheeeeeeeeeshhhhhh!
Still, I'm sure the class all believe in me & I'm going to try my best not to disappoint.
2 and 1/2 weeks more.
Next week, hardcore rehearsals start.
Let's do this bbygrl! You've got some butts to kick and intimate scenes to conquer!
*tak menjadi fierce look* :P


Sorry Ayah for being a little rude.
I am not in my best moods now.
I need a tight hug badly.
Anyone? ))):