What Hurts The Most

What hurts the most was us being so close yet I cant seem to tell you everything or anything when I'm upset and heartbroken w the things you do. It used to be different and now, I'm even afraid of you. Afraid of you even more. Emotionally and mentally. You were no longer that friend I looked up to always, I seek to pour out all my problems to and I searched for every night. Yes, I laughed, I joked, I smiled every time but you dont know how much I've been hurting inside and how broken my heart got when you made a decision without considering my feelings. I've never been this sad in any friendship before to be honest. Maybe, I expected too much cause you showed me the hope and faith to it. In the public's eyes, I'm always the one flaring up and getting all worked up for nothing. Cause I hate showing my sadness, I turned to anger. It's so hard for me to speak up anymore cause I always get shot down for my childishness and silliness. Fights are just excuses for me to start making our friendship go into another direction. It's because I treasure our friendship, I wanted to let it go.

You should know why I look forward to our meet-ups half-heartedly. You should know why I didnt want to waste my time just so I could spend 2 hours drinking chocolate shakes w you. You should know why I prefer going out w the rest. You should know why. You've been reading me in a wrong way right from the start. Call me whatever you want and say whatever you want about me. You never know what's been going on anymore.

KAE